Sunday, September 28, 2003
I AM NOT A SLACKER!

I only missed yesterday... but that's because nothing of great interest happened.

I got up at the crack of dawn, went to rehearsal, came home with Cameron, hung out with him til midnight, went to bed.  Wooo, that's exciting!

Today was just as dull...

I got up at 10, went shooting with Dad, Lara & Cameron, went to rehearsal, went to Cameron's and lost at chess to him (AGAIN!), went to the Burial Chamber dress rehearsal and came home and will soon be going to bed.

Rah!

Tomorrow may provide something slightly more interesting (aka.. dress rehearsal), but aside from that... bleah.

Gnyte!

Posted at 9:49 pm by Manda
It's about one moment.  

Friday, September 26, 2003
Beyond Reasoning

Today was kinda crummy.  I think someone is mad at me... but I don't know for sure, so I don't want to say their name in case I'm wrong.  Anyways... I got up, went to school around 10, sat around with Matt, Monica & Laura until 11, went to Algebra & took a test, sat around with Matt, Monica, Laura and Dan until 1, went to Theory, went to Adrienne's, went & put gas in Adrienne's car, picked up Nichole, went to the shed, deposited large amounts of costumes, took Nichole home, went back to Adrienne's, hung out with Cameron for awhile and then went home.  I will probably be going to Perkins with Nichole and Andy later... we shall see.

Beyond Reasoning
Somewhere in the vastness of our great universe,
On a tiny little planet where none traverse,
Am I. Embedded in the fleetingness of life
Still pondering about where and when I'll arrive.

I keep trying, off alone, devoid of all sound,
To recognize a god's face, and to see around
The stereotypes of each church and each people,
To see if there's more than just a manmade steeple.

It seems to me that all religion is to man
Is a fight to say, "You can't?  Well, look here, I can!"
But who will decide who wins when the fight is done?
The people with Many?  Or the people with One?

I continue to fail in my frequent attempts
To decide in which god I can be confident.
At first, one seems correct, but then it's some other.
Should I pray to Father? No, this week: to Mother.

In my confusion, sadness starts to surround me,
Captures my waning strength, able to confound me.
The disappearance of hope, that's kept me alive,
Lets sadness questions my will and means to survive.

So, what's the difference between wrong and apropos?
And why's the line 'tween life and death getting narrow?
I don't think I can explain what's happy or sad,
And I don't know how to tell the good from the bad.

Emptiness replaces my continuous tears
And then I am filled with a thousand nameless fears.
My life appears to have lost any destination,
And faith in anything's a hopeless temptation.

But I long for something, like a desert wants rain
I long for something true, to fix the hope that's slain.
There's something out there somewhere, meant only for me.
There's something out there somewhere, someday I will see.

By me... (inspired by an original poem by Andreas Eschenbacher)

Wednesday, September 24, 2003
The Outer Limits

"There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. We can roll the image, make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity. For the next hour sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your television set. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Limits."

Sometimes... sometimes I feel like I live in the Outer Limits.  And sometimes I think that some random creepy voice at the beginning of each episode is affecting my outlook and my picture of the things around me.

The people around me confuse me greatly.  And I wonder if I will ever really understand my friends.  Or... if they will understand me? 

I'm not depressed.  I'm just pensive... "Damn, I was going for thoughtful."

I don't know anymore.

"The planet Earth is a speck of dust, remote and alone in the void. There are powers in the universe inscrutable and profound. Fear cannot save us. Rage cannot help us. We must see the stranger in a new light-the light of understanding. And to achieve this, we must begin to understand ourselves, and each other. We now return control of your television set to you, until next week, at the same time when the Control Voice will take you to... The Outer Limits."

Posted at 4:42 pm by Manda
It's about one moment.  

Tuesday, September 23, 2003
"Now And Then, Doo You Say Ooh"

So today was uneventful.  I got up at 6, said, "I should so get to sleep for another two hours," and dragged myself thru eating and getting dressed and bathing (not in that order).

Then I went to the dentist for my 7 a.m. appointment where I learned a.) I have 4 cavities (not because of me, the stupid sealants just cracked), b.) I have to get my wisdom teeth removed before next year or they will start causing my other teeth back there to decay and c.) I get to go back Tuesday and get my cavities filled and my teeth re-sealed.  I was wondering, "Is there any good news?"  But no, not unless getting a toothbrush counts as good news.

After that (since it was only 8 a.m.), I went home and changed into school clothes and then grabbed breakfast at McDonalds and proceeded to school.

Great Books To Great Music was kinda boring - we watched The Making Of The Dead.  Then I had a test in Jazz History (where I managed to confuse a flute with a soprano sax.. nrr).  Then, since we got out early, Adrienne & I went and sat with Laura & Nichole in the ER until Chorus.  Chorus was... also boring, although, Nichole, Laura and I managed to amuse ourselves by a.) interpretive dancing to help the boys remember lyrics, b.) making fun of lyrics, and c.) making fun of how to sing one of the solos.  Yay for silliness.

Anyways, then I went to Shopko and got a card which I left in Cameron's truck and then headed home.  Once I got home, I cleaned out my car (wonder of wonders!) and now I'm watching Lord of the Rings 2 with Lara.  Cameron's coming over later and I think we're going to Dollar Tuesday - yay!

Ciao!

Posted at 4:01 pm by Manda
It's about one moment.  

Monday, September 22, 2003
Food! Glorious Food!

Okay, so rehearsal sucked because it was totally boring... except when Mr. Hart had to randomly leave in the middle of it because his dog clawed/bit some other dog's eye out (EW!).  So I had to run a couple of scenes, but then he got back and I went back to studying for my Jazz History test tomorrow.  Then I yelled at Jay & Cameron for leaving to go get ice cream from DQ (it was free cone night).  And then after rehearsal, we hunted Louis down and then we all (all being Cameron, Jay, Nate, Nichole, Adrienne, Louis & I) went to Perkins where the boys talked about set building and Louis corrected them.  It was semi-amusing.  Then I went home.

Tomorrow I have a dentist's appt. at 7 a.m. (AGH!)  Then I have Great Books to Great Music, Jazz History (test... AGH!) and Choir.  Then I get to go home and NOT HAVE REHEARSAL!  YAY!  And then Cameron's coming over and I think we're going to Dollar Tuesday.  Yay!

K.  Love ya.  Buh-bye!

Posted at 10:55 pm by Manda
It's about one moment.  

Confuzzled....

Today was somewhat odd.  I went to aural skills... didn't go to algebra or my voice lesson... and went to theory.  I'm kinda out of it... and I'm confused about the weird dynamics of our group lately.  Nichole is right in saying that nobody is very happy lately.  (http://freemasonry.blogdrive.com)  I dunno why really... maybe it's because fall is coming and everything is starting to die.  Man, that was depressing.  I think I'm going to go take a nap now and sleep myself into a better mood before rehearsal.

Later...

Posted at 3:27 pm by Manda
It's about one moment.  

Sunday, September 21, 2003
Yay for Laura...

That's all I really had to say... she made me happy tonight... I love her dearly... yay for Laura.

I'm going to go sleep now.

Posted at 10:41 pm by Manda
It's about one moment.  

Sad Day...

Woke up to the sound of people bitching about me...
Proceeded to go upstairs and get yelled at...
Argued with Dad about something stupid which led me to cry for the first time today...
Cleaned the first floor...
Had a lovely argument with Mom which led to me crying for the second time today...
Took a shower...
Ate a quick brunch...
Went to rehearsal where I sat around bored out of my mind for 3 hours...
Grabbed dinner with Cameron at Griddles...
Went to the Burial Chamber meeting which was semi-interesting (heckling Erick was fun!)...
Took Cameron home and proceeded to cry for the third time today...
Drove back to my house...
Tried to convince myself to do homework and failed...
Sat here...

Feel free to call me and distract me from homework... or text message me and try to make me smile.  Ya'll know the number.  As Travis would say, "I'm outie."

---

There are times when I imagine
I'm not always on his mind.
He's not thinking what I'm thinking,
Always half a step behind...
Always half a step behind...
Aida - A Step Too Far

I held the pieces of my soul.
I was shattered,
And I wanted you to come and make me whole.
Vertical Horizon - I'm Still Here

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now.
And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your life,
'Cause sooner or later it's over,
I just don't wanna miss you tonight.
Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

I'm sorry for everything I've said...
And for anything I forgot to say too.
When things get so complicated,
I stumble, at best muddle through.
I wish that our lives could be simple;
I don't want the world, only you.
Aida - Radames' Letter

Cinderella walked upon broken glass.
Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass.
Love is blood and sweat and tears.
Love means facing all your fears.
And you get love, pain, the whole damn thing.
If you want my heart, you get everything.
Love, pain, the whole damn thing.
It's a crown of thorns to wear a golden ring.
Love, pain, the whole damn thing.
If you want my heart...
If you want my heart...
You get everything.
Amy Sky - Love, Pain, The Whole Damn Thing

If I could say what I wanna say,
I'd say I wanna blow you away
And be with you every night.
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could see what I wanna see,
I'd wanna see you go down on one knee:
Marry me today.
Guess I'm wishing my life away,
On these things I'll never say.
Avril Lavigne - Things I'll Never Say

When your heart decides
That it's time to let it through,
There's no reason to be scared
To open up.
Love may be blind
But all of us don't see it,
So just once in your life,
If you hear the knock of love,
Just let it in.
Hold her closer when she cries.
Hold her closer when you know it's time to say goodbye;
Hurry back to see her smile again.
And hold him closer when he's down,
And when his world is upside down,
Turn it around... turn it around.
Blessid Union of Souls - Hold Her Closer

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance,
For a break that would make it okay.
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough,
And it's hard at the end of the day.
I need some distraction,
Oh, beautiful release.
Memories seep thru my veins.
Let me be empty,
Oh, and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight.
Sarah McLachlan - Angel

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul, so strong that it takes my breath away.
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today.
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right,
And though I can’t be with you tonight,
You know my heart is by your side.
Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One

Posted at 7:41 pm by Manda
It's about one moment.  

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This week in my world:
Monday

9a-10a Tutor
10a-1p Homework
1p-3p Scene Study
3p-5p Scenework
5p-7p Dinner
7p-10p Rehearsal
10p-12a Homework

Tuesday

   

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